


I'm Sorry

by SymphonicFantasia



Series: Just a Shidgen [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Brother-Sister Relationships, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shidge Week 2016, Shidge Week 2016: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 05:41:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10507437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SymphonicFantasia/pseuds/SymphonicFantasia
Summary: When I see youI see himI see the people I failed





	

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this drawing and I figured that I have to do angst for Shidge week SO I WENT FOR. Please [reblog](https://toriitorii.tumblr.com/post/149543616261/were-empty) it. All my tears, man.

When the nightmares woke him and he couldn’t fall back asleep, there wasn’t much he could do. There were times where he’d check in on the other paladins. He’d make sure that they were _there_ and that this wasn’t all just a dream. That he still wasn’t in the arenas fighting for his life. It helped a little. For a few moments, it put his mind at ease.

So, he exercised. Shiro would fight in the training deck with the Gladiator until his bones were tired. And he’d keep fighting despite exhaustion. Just so he didn’t have to think about what he left behind and focus more on the future.

The Gladiator dropped through a hole in the floor, defeated for the tenth time. Shiro wiped the sweat off his brow. Just one more fight. That’s all he needed and then he could meet up with the others for their daily Voltron training. He opened his mouth, ready to tell the computer which training level to start.

“Don’t you ever sleep?”

He froze and turned. Pidge rubbed at her eyes, wiping the very last bit of sleep from them. But she wasn’t who he was seeing.

Shiro was back in the Galra Arena. Killing other prisoners who were just as innocent as he was, captured with only a slim hope of returning home. A hope he took away when he took their lives. The crowd would cheer and roar, shouting his title like a mantra. The sentries would drag him back to his cell. Despite his victory, they would toss him inside roughly and without care.

And Matt would be there waiting for him among other prisoners. Matt would be the one to help him to stand and let him lean his weight against him. It was the most human comfort he’d get throughout his time there. Up until they were separated and Shiro lost all track of where they kept Matt. He was placed alone, shoved into his own cell.

He fought hard to keep it from happening. Shiro fought the sentries until more came to restrain and take him away. The last thing he heard from Matt was him shouting his name.

“Shiro! Shiro!”

Shiro crashed back to reality like he fell into an ice-cold bath. His gray eyes focused in on boney knees. Hands shook him by his shoulders, fingers digging hard into his flesh. He looked up at Pidge and stared into their worry stricken face. It was scary how similar she looked like Matt right now.

A sob racked his body and he buried his face in his hand. Shiro should feel some type of way breaking down in front of his teammate. As their leader, he should hold on to a strong composure and portray strength for them to look up to. Right now, he was everything but that.

Because he thought of Matt and Commander Holt and how he left them behind. How he _failed_ them and couldn’t help them escape. It was unfair that he was free while the Galra did whatever they wanted to them. Was Sam still at a mining planet? What about Matt? What had they done to him when they were separated?

Was he still alive? To think otherwise tore his heart in two.

“Shiro, what’s wrong?” Pidge asked. She tried to pull him up, but grief weighed him down like bricks.

Shiro couldn’t stop. He sobbed in his hand as apologies flowed out from between his lips like a river. A slim glimmer of hope ignited within him, the tiniest flicker of a candle on the verge of going out. It was a hope that they would in some form reach Matt and Sam, and that they would accept his apology.

* * *

Pidge paced the Green Lion’s hanger, hands shoved deep into her pockets. After the incident from this morning, she had holed herself inside to escape any questions the others might have. What could she say that Shiro didn’t explain himself? Shiro composed himself quickly enough when the others came to start training. Even with red, sunken in eyes, they believed him when he said that he wasn’t feeling well and excused himself for the day.

She decided against training herself and ran to the hanger, avoiding questions from Coran and Allura.

Pidge couldn’t understand what happened. Her blood went cold when he looked at her like that. He was looking at her, but he wasn’t seeing her. Shiro looked lost and far away from where he was. Only Keith had ever seen him like this and knew what to do. Pidge? She didn’t know what to do at all. Even touching him seemed wrong, but she did it.

How was he holding up?

Leaving the hanger, she made her way through the halls. They were quiet, despite the time of day. Everyone was off doing his own thing. Training couldn’t have lasted for more than an hour, if it happened at all. Lance and Hunk would be making jokes or talking and Keith? She only hoped that he wouldn’t be where she was headed.

Yet Keith was the one who stood on the other side of Shiro’s door, blocking her view.

Pidge rubbed at the back of her neck. She tried to look past him to see Shiro, but Keith blocked her way. “Hey, um, is Shiro in there?” That was a dumb question. He had to be in there.

“He is,” Keith looked over his shoulder, “but he’s sleeping. He’s had a stressful few hours and doesn’t want to be disturbed.”

She frowned and tried to look past him again. Keith didn’t try to block her view this time. He crossed his arms so that she could see better into the dark room. Shiro sat hunched over on the bed, his palms rubbing his eyes. Pidge turned her attention to Keith. “Can I speak to him? Alone?”

Keith tapped his arm, thinking it over in his head. “Go ahead. Just be careful with what you say. He’s still not in a good place right now.”

“Thank you, Keith.” Pidge slipped in as Keith stepped out. The doors closed behind her, the only light in the room were the purple strips that lined the floor and part of the wall. The light gave Shiro an eerie glow, one that she stared at until he lifted his head.

He looked so sad.

Pidge had never seen that look on him before. The pit in her stomach grew and she fidgeted in her spot. Now that she knew how he was doing, what should she do now? In situations like this, she wasn’t the best at comforting people.

Matt was. He could comfort anyone with a few choice words and a joke. It wouldn’t be a funny joke, either. It’d be something so terrible that anyone else hearing it would groan, but whoever he was comforting would laugh. It’d start as a chuckle before erupting in full blown laughter.

That was what Matt was best at. It’s one of the things Pidge loved most about her brother.

“You look a lot like him.”

Pidge jumped when he spoke. Shiro did his best to smile at her, but she could see straight through it. “Yeah?” she asked, deciding against calling him out. She moved to the small storage unit and hopped on to it. “I hadn’t meant to cut my hair like his, but I don’t think I had much of a choice.”

Shiro chuckled. “It must feel terrible.” Pidge tilted her head, her brow furrowing as Shiro’s smile grew. “You have the most _terrible_ haircut out of everyone on this ship.”

Pidge let out an indignant scoff. She placed her hand to her chest, feigning hurt. “Excuse me, _captain_ , but one of our teammates has a _mullet_ and what about you?!” She waved her hands at him. “I can’t even make _sense_ of your haircut!”

He hunched over in laughter, the sound bouncing off the walls. Pidge smiled, that crooked smile she always had that could ever be goofy or devious. She’s never heard Shiro laugh like this. When did Shiro ever have _fun_ since they’ve launched themselves from Planet Arus? He’s smiled, sure, but laughter? Out of all the things Pidge had seen, _this_ was the most alien concept.

Shiro’s laughter died down and he ran a hand down his face. The air had been lighter between them, but now it grew heavy once more. Pidge didn’t know what to say. She looked down at her lap and kicked her feet. Why couldn’t Matt be here to make things better?

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save him.”

She bit her lip. “You don’t have any idea where they’re keeping him?”

“I wish I did. They separated us after a while,” Shiro answered. He pressed the heel of his palms into his eyes again, sighing heavily. “I’m sorry. If I fought them back a little harder…”

Those thoughts had kept her awake. She hated that Shiro was the only one to escape. She hated _Shiro_ because he didn’t save her family.  For hours, she’d glare at his back, wishing that it was her brother and father who had come back and not him.

Looking back on those days, Pidge hated herself for thinking like that. It wasn’t Shiro’s fault that he escaped and they didn’t. Shiro had to fight for his survival while her family was sent elsewhere. Shiro was lucky and her family _wasn’t_.

She was crying. She couldn’t _believe_ that she was _crying_!

Pidge wiped at her eyes, willing the tears to stop. They just kept coming, and coming, and coming and she was getting sick of them. Jumping down from her seat, she walked over to Shiro. She sat down beside him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Her grip was tight and it grew tighter when Shiro’s body shook with quiet sobs. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to ground him or herself, but she needed this.

They _both_ needed this.

She pressed her face into his shoulder blade. Tears that had been welling up inside her for so long were finally coming out. When the well had been tapped out, and Shiro’s body had stopped shaking, Pidge pulled away and wiped at her face. Shiro sat up straighter and rubbed at his own.

“Sorry about your shirt…” Pidge muttered. She stared at the wet spot on his back from her tears.

“It’s fine…”

Pidge sniffled. “Matt really does have a stupid haircut, and so do I.”

Shiro raised his arm and pulled her to his side. “Yeah, but I like you both.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist again and sighed. It felt _good_ to be comforted like this. It felt like she had a brother again. It wasn’t Matt, but it was still something.

At least she still had Shiro.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for angst. Honestly, I should have gone ahead and claimed my last one as angst (because Shiro killing Pidge isn't angst? I killed two birds with one stone on that one), but I saw that drawing. I had to do it. PIDGE AND SHIRO'S FRIENDSHIP GIVES ME L I F E.


End file.
